I'm a talker. Wouldn’t you know that I would marry a man who wasn’t?
As you might imagine, having a conversation in my house is quite challenging. This is definitely true when my hubby is deep into his television programs.
For some reason, questions like, Do you love me? Come to mind while he is watching one football team trample another. I’m sure it is purely coincidental that Do you think I’m pretty? Comes up as tennis great Serena Williams does her thing in those bright, little short shorts on the tennis court. Honestly, I am a confident, black woman who admires Serena for crushing it while doing what she loves.
Oh, but my personal favorite is What would you do if I died? (I’m sure he probably prays for my demise right then and there, so he can enjoy the rest of the game.)
In truth, the communication process between men and women is often like tiptoeing through a minefield: even simple words take on significant meanings. Take the word fine: even the slowest man on earth should have learned not to use it to answer that trick question, How do I look?
Thanks a lot: don’t be fooled; this is not an expression of gratitude. What it really means is thanks for nothing! This is frequently followed by the loud sigh. If you hear that sigh, watch out for the double whammy effect. While an actual word isn't uttered, the message sent is certainly loud and clear.
I remember doing this as a child, right after my mother had scolded me for something. She looked me dead in the eye and asked, Do you have something you want to say?
Fortunately, unlike like me, my husband knows to never ask these questions. Case in point, a while back he mentioned that a couple we knew were splitting up. Surprised, as I had always thought they were truly happy, I asked, "What happened?"
“I don’t know,” he answered.
“Well, what did he say?” I asked.
“He just said they were separating,” he replied.
“How did this conversation come about?” I asked.
“He just mentioned it in passing,” he said. “Besides, I didn’t want to get up all in his business,” he says, now getting irritated.
“So, you have literally told me nothing,” I say. Frustrated, I had to get on the phone and call our friend to see what was really going on. As if I don’t have enough to do, I said to myself. (Full disclosure: I didn’t want to get all up into their business either, but this was a couple we knew and liked. I sincerely felt that we needed to see if we could help them in some way.)
Still, as husbands go—and despite his being a prince of the one or two-word responses--mine is pretty special. After all, it’s who he is and nothing will ever change that.
In fact, every now and again, he will string several words together and utter something truly profound and sweet. Well, me being who I am and true to myself, I ask: Does this dress make my butt look big?
-Author Carol Gee
Retired military Air Force Veteran Author, Columnist and Motivational Speaker
For these and other great laughs, purchase your copy of Random Notes at Amazon.com and major online book retailers.