Life Lessons Learned

Growing up, if there was one thing I knew for certain it was the Ten Commandments. You know:

“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that was thy neighbor's.”

If these were not enough to live by or scare me straight, there were always the Commandments According to Mother. Like the wisdom in:

---

“Letting sleeping dogs lie.” As a child, I wasn’t sure what this meant. As an adult, I realized that “letting sleeping dogs lie” meant refraining from bringing up old issues in arguments. Doing so certainly helps to keep the peace. An added incentive? Not awakening a dog that was sleeping helps prevent you from getting bitten by the said dog.

• First impressions: I learned that you only get one chance to make a great, first impression, which I discovered much later in life was true.

 
And the life lessons kept on coming, courtesy of Mother:
 

• Anticipation: “Just wait until you get home. I’ll deal with you then.”
• Religion: “You’d better pray that (Kool Aide, grape juice, grape jelly, chewing gum, you name it) comes out of that bedspread.”
• Being prepared — albeit for doom: “Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you are in an accident.” Seriously? I might have been a child at the time, but even back then I knew if I ever were in an accident, wearing clean underwear would have been the last thing on my mind.
• The value of condiments: “You’ll catch more flies with honey, than you will with vinegar.” Good to know, if I ever wanted to catch flies. Which I didn’t (and still don’t).
• Stamina, and a new name: “You will just sit there until you eat that (spinach, eggplant, etc.,) Missy.”
• Promises (and Fear): “You will understand when you get to be my age.”
• Fear (again): “Just you wait. One day you will have children and they’ll turn out just like you.”
• Loyalty (or maybe choosing your friends): “If Susie jumps over a bridge, are you going to jump too?” Okay, I’m loyal, not crazy, like Susie, apparently.
• Conservation or being ‘green’: “Shut that door behind you; you are letting flies in. What is wrong with you? People would think that you were raised in a barn.”
• Fear (yet again) and Guilt: “You will be sorry you acted like this when I’m dead and gone.”  Oh, break out the violins, will you?
• The disadvantages of having a memory like an elephant: “I haven’t forgotten what you did some time ago (you mean like when I was seven and again when I was twelve). I bet you thought I’d forgotten about that, huh?” A question which added one extra week of punishment.
• Ending conversation: “Because I said so.”

Frankly, the one that really ticked me off was “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”. What a shame. I have always loved a good cake as well as a good pie.

-Author Carol Gee
Retired military Air Force Veteran, Author, Columnist and Motivational Speaker

For these and other great laughs, purchase your copy of Random Notes, at Amazon.com and major online book retailers.